Self-Compassion and Eating Disorder Recovery

Simply put, there cannot be recovery without self-compassion. Compassion can come in many forms but in its most simple form, it is giving yourself the space to understand who you are without judgement. All individuals are a product of their experience. Therefore, there is no room for blame when recovering from an eating disorder. Oftentimes, an eating disorder develops as a way to self soothe from painful emotions or feelings felt in the past. How do we blame someone for trying to take care of themselves and avoid pain? The trickiest part about this adaptation to self soothe is that it inadvertently hurts an individual more in the long run. 

If there is one common denominator of the work that I do with individuals with disordered eating, it is centered around developing more self-compassion. Individuals with eating disorders are highly critical of themselves and have little space to hold compassion for themselves. Self compassion does not mean that there is an expectation to love yourself rather, self compassion is about developing more neutrality in the view you have of yourself. For example, “I am okay with myself,” rather than, “I love myself.”

So why do people with eating disorders have poor self-compassion? 

One of the biggest reasons that I have observed in my work is that individuals with eating disorders are disconnected from their bodies. They live in their heads rather than their entire bodies. This disconnection creates a belief system that they cannot trust themselves to really feel or regulate. As a result, there is a constant feeling of anxiety looking for external validation to calm their system. 

It is essential in eating disorder treatment to help clients reconnect with their bodies. 

By reconnecting with your body you regain the ability to trust yourself and subsequently have self compassion towards yourself. You have the understanding that when things get difficult, you have the tools to calm yourself down and make the decisions that you would like to make. 

So how does someone go about reconnecting with their body?

It can take many forms but one of the most useful tools is learning how to breathe and be present with your body. For people with eating disorders this can feel incredibly scary at first. It might be the first time you have allowed yourself to fully be with your body in years. 

So what does the breath even do? 

The breath rewires your nervous system to comprehend that it is okay, and it is safe. When the nervous system feels unsettled and does not have the ability to settle itself, it will look for external resources to try and calm down (ex. Binging, restricting, purging, exercise). This rewiring is the verb of self compassion. Self compassion is the trust you have within yourself to be present in the world, as you are. 

The practice that I am describing here is hard work. There is no denying that. I often tell my clients that it might get harder before it gets easier. While in eating disorder treatment you will be asked to examine the relationship that you have with your body. For many people the relationship that they have developed with their body, whether healthy or unhealthy, is the exact thing that makes them feel safe and cared for. Therefore making the choice to develop more self compassion and reconnect with your body is an incredibly courageous decision to make. 

Why are eating disorders challenging to overcome? 

One of the main reasons that eating disorders are so challenging to overcome is because they require an individual to redevelop the relationship that they have with food and their body. Unlike an addiction to alcohol, you cannot abstain from food. Food is a necessary and vital part of life. To eat is to live so to have a healthy relationship with food, is to live a joyful life. At the end of the day, eating should be a joyful experience. There is a reason that our brains are wired to feel good while we eat. Just like other human sensations are experienced in the form of joy, eating and taking care of oneself is no different. 

What is the next step?

I would love to help you get started on your journey towards body acceptance and peace with food. If you are interested in learning more about how I work with eating disorders please read more here, if you are interested in setting up a free consultation please reach out. 

I look forward to hearing from you!

-Ellie