Black and White Thinking & Eating Disorders
“In order to be attractive I need to be thin”
“I ate a cookie today and broke my diet, I might as well eat 10 now”
“Today was a good/bad day with food”
“I am a bad person”
“I am completely out of control”
These are all common thoughts seen when someone has disordered eating. These thoughts are also examples of black and white thinking, also known as all or nothing thinking. Black and white thinking is more formally referred to as splitting in the field of psychology. Splitting is defined as, “the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common defense mechanism.”
So what does black and white thinking defend you from?
Your mind does this as a way to prepare for the bad. The mind is constantly trying to predict, analyze, plan; therefore, if the mind has foresight into the bad, it can adequately prepare you for the worst. This thinking can make you feel more settled at times but most of the time it leaves you feeling even worse.
So how does this relate to an eating disorder?
Black or white thinking creates a basis to feel good or bad about oneself, and nothing in between. For example, if you have a good day of eating, you will experience momentary relief that it all worked out. The problem with this momentary relief is that it is a fleeting feeling and for every high there is an equal low. Therefore, when you experience a bad day of eating, you are also met with feelings of shame and guilt. You may also feel like you are out of control which in turn takes away from your ability to feel like you can trust yourself.
The anxiety of all or nothing thinking
The most challenging part of all or nothing thinking is that it is wrapped around an idea that there is only one right way. So if that one right way does not go as planned, your day immediately falls into the thinking that it all went bad. If there is only one right way and many wrong ways, it is likely that individuals living their lives with a high amount of all or nothing thinking primarily experienced bad days. This anxiety keeps your eating disorder alive and well because this thinking further validates the deeper belief system that you are a bad, inadequate, out of control, unworthy, unlovable, or ugly person.
Some thinking tips:
Explore the gray area - when you catch yourself in a black and white thought, create some space to look at the thinking that lays between the good and the bad. Remember that catastrophizing is a defense mechanism to prepare for the worst. By preparing for the worst you ignite a fight or flight response and it takes you away from your ability to be present. Ask yourself, “how can I be more neutral with this thought? What are some other ways of framing this situation?”
Embrace your humanness - you are human. Perfectionism is another defense mechanism that prepares us to not feel judged or rejected. Every human being makes mistakes.The key here is to remember that you cannot apply perfectionism to black or white thinking too. Part of the neutral thinking is recognizing that you are human and you are going to make mistakes, rather it is how you respond to your mistakes when they happen
Trust your body - if you feel like you often get caught and black and white thinking and the thoughts make it hard to make decisions around food. Trust your body. Try to pull yourself out of your head and into your body. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself, am I hungry? If it still feels hard to trust your body, give yourself the space to follow the thinking tips from above, you are allowed to make mistakes and every decision is always somewhere in between the black and the white
Balanced thinking creates a more joyful life
When you give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes without repercussions you give yourself the space to be human. We set ourselves up for failure when we fall into the perfectionist trap. Life is full of ups and downs and recovering from black or white thinking or disordered eating is not about securing that we will not experience pain in our lives, it is about learning how to respond to the pain in a meaningful way.
Reach out for support with eating disorder therapy
If you are interested in learning more about how I work with eating disorders you can learn more here. If you are interested in setting up a free 20 minute consultation please feel free to reach out. I hope to hear from you and discuss how I can best support you with your therapeutic goals!
-Ellie