Shame, Body Image and Your Relationship with Food
Have you ever thought about how common it is to hear someone criticize themselves for something that they ate or for the way that their body looks?
It usually sounds something like this:
I ate that xyz and I feel fat
I can’t even stick to a diet
I have no control when I am around food
I am worthless, I hate my body and the reasons that I do not have the body that I want is because I always eat to much
These examples feel commonplace within our day to day. There is a mentality that someone’s body type is a reflection of their relationship with food. Since this mentality is the basis for many individuals' relationships with their body, whenever diet goals are not met they are slapped with the feelings of shame and guilt. And the cycle continues… whether you binge, restrict, purge, or a combination of all three, there is a continuous pattern that plays out in your life keeping you stuck in this painful cycle!
Why is this cycle continually reinforced?
It is a product of the sustained messages we hear on a bigger scale and the reinforced negative self talk that is adopted by the individual. At your very core, you are telling yourself that every time you fail a diet, meal plan, exercise plan, etc, that there is something wrong with you and not something wrong with the larger scale ideals of thinness and perfectionism.
So really, what is shame?
In its simplest form, shame is how you see yourself through the eyes of others. Therefore, if you believe yourself to be fat, wrong, ugly, [insert negative self though here], you will feel shame for the judgement or fear of judgment from others. There is a reason why when we speak out about the things that fill us with shame, it is challenging to look the other person in the eye. We are so fearful of rejection and judgment that we tell ourselves these mean things first, as a way to preserve ourselves from hearing them from the mouth of another. And as living creatures, that is what scares us the most… the fear of being rejected, unloved, or alone.
Coincidentally prolonged shame and guilt are large contributors to depression and anxiety. This can make for a complicated experience for any person. I have sat with many clients as we uncover that at the root of their anxiety and depression is a negative relationship with their body. There have been so many instances where a client will recall a time from their childhood of being shamed for their body. Given the cognitive development of a child, it makes complete sense that they would internalize a belief that in order to feel loved in this world, they also must be thin.
So what are some ways to get back in touch with my wants, desires and ideas about my body?
There are many ways to do so, although that does not mean it is an easy process. I say this to be honest, realistic and also to note that many of life’s greatest gifts take work. You do not need to live a life consumed by negative thoughts towards your body and you deserve to live that allows you to enjoy the foods that you eat.
Uncover your real relationship with your body and bodies in general - is it really you that believes certain bodies are good or bad, or is that something that you have been conditioned to believe?
Discover HAES (Health At Every Size) - this is a newer movement that is beginning to pick up speed within certain communities. The basis of HAES is to recognize the discrimination that takes place for certain people in certain bodies and it redefines the belief system that all bodies are welcomed by promoting body diversity
Follow Intuitive Eating - seek the help of a professional that follows the intuitive eating approach. Intuitive Eating goes far beyond eating for your body and encompasses everything from embracing your humanness and the imperfections that come along with it and allowing yourself to enjoy the foods that you enjoy, whatever they are.
Are you interested in taking the next step with eating disorder therapy, therapy for body dissatisfaction, or the shame associated with food and your body?
I encourage you to reach out if you are interested in scheduling a free 20 minute consultation. Together we can discuss the therapeutic goals that you have for yourself. I also encourage you to read more about how I work with disordered eating here.
-Ellie